BakerQuest

Yesterday I felt bad Mary Lynn had a diaper rash, so I left off her diaper and introduced her to Great Nana's potty that she had been given...sheesh I think at Christmas.

I just told her, "Pee and poop go in the potty."

"OK", she said.

I left the room and continued to work on dinner or whatever.

About an hour later she came running into the kitchen saying, "DADDY! DADDY!"

Then she put her hands out. I honestly had no clue what was going on. She was smiling and posing like she was about to take off in flight, looking out of the corner of her eyes. There in front of the TV I saw it. #2.

"Hooray!" I lied, "You pooped. But not quite in the potty." I quickly grabbed some TP and moved the package into the potty. I asked her to flush and she did and clapped. I washed my hands and gave her a treat. I told her next time to try and get the poop in the potty so I wouldn't have to resolve the carpet.

"OK," she promised.

Then today I took off her diaper again. She was standing in front of the TV while I was waking up on Facebook. She backed up and got 99.9% of her duty done. She came running to me and I cleaned her bottom and gave her a treat. I ran around and we danced. J hid his face. I think he hates the attention I am giving her, which is like 1000 times the attention I normally give her and like 2 times the attention I normally give him.

Later after I had cleaned out our travel potty and set it by the door to go into Yoda, she came running up to me and said, "pee potty daddy! pee potty!"

Sure enough she had peed in the potty. I saw about 5 feet away where she had started to pee. stopped and then walked over to the potty (no dribbles or mess) and then finished. I am so proud, but I know this is just the beginning. It could take two years.

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I was making sandwiches for our trip and Mary Lynn was watching. I held up a piece of circular provolone and asked her what it was.

"Circle!" she beamed.

I held up the sandwich container.

"Triangle."

"No."

"Ummm. Quare!"

"Yes"

I held up the cover to a pie server (triangular).

"Triangle!"

she is so smart.

That question will be at the end of this entry.

Today I loaded up the kids and headed to Cedar Creek Park about 1/2 hour from here. J was excited because I asked him when he woke up what he wanted to do. He said, "Idle Wild!"

"OK something Free." I responded.

"Park! Park! Park!" he jumped.

We drove in and I noticed the availability of lots of activities.

First we went down to the Yough and ate lunch. It was all I could do to keep them from skipping rocks until they finished their hummus sandwiches. After about 1/2 hour of rocks, I said, "Jeffrey, do you hear that?" I motioned to the RC planes I heard in the distance.

"No, what is it?" he pondered.

"Little planes that are doing tricks over there. Want to go see?" I beckoned.

"Nope. I wanna throw rocks" He skipped.

"Me too. Throw rocks!" Mary Lynn chimed.

"Umm. Ice cream?" I pleaded.

"No. I'm not hungry. I wanna throw rocks." Jeffrey persisted. Eventually, Park + Planes + Icecream = compliance.

We watched the RC planes for about a half hour and then headed to the little playground in the park. Except, I didn't know where it was. So I was telling Jeffrey it might be around the next curve, or it might be down the hill. We would just have to drive and find it.

"Why don't you just stop and turn off the car and listen?" He asked.

"Why would I do that?" I blundered into the four year old logic puzzle.

"You could just listen for all the giggles."

I laughed as I stopped the car. I didn't shut it off. I hear Jeffrey making giggling noises in the back. "See, it's over there!"

WE played at the park which was kind of a let down. Then I used my last ply to get them to leave. Ice cream at Baskin Robbins!

J had mint chocolate chip, I had peanut butter cup, Mary Lynn Had strawberry. Total? $3.18!!! Dollar scoop day on Tuesdays!

OK, so I lied, that's not the end of the blog.

Jeffrey took a nap, and when he woke up I wanted to watch TV with the kids. I almost never do this, because I have seen all the programming they watch 1000 times. But I told J I would give him some new choices. He is totally against this idea. He hates new shows and movies. They have conflict and are scary. Takes after mommy.

Space Camp, CJ7, or Space chimps. After much crying and debating he settled on Space Chimps. A very calm movie by my standards, but fraught with conflict and fear for J. He hid his eyes twice, and didn't cry at all. He watched the whole thing, but said he didn't want to watch it ever again.

So the credits roll, and the Bare Naked Ladies are singing the movie out.

"Hey, it's the bare naked ladies!" I announce to no one in particular.

"Where?" answers J to me in particular.

"On the movie, singing that song." I explained.

J pauses and listens.





"Nope. That sounds like boys to me."

As seen on WanderingGirl's

Recently we went to pick up Thai food from the new place down the street. J went with me. He eats almost everything. Even salmon. I asked him if he wanted the "seafood delight", or the chicken....SEAFOOD SEAFOOD SEAFOOD. Came the response. When we got home he dug in and ate the clams, scallops, shrimp, and a little of the whitefish...then he stopped (the fish actually wasn't that good). He picked up a slice of squid. What's this? he asked.

Squid, it's just like octopus.

He is REALLY looking forward to eating Octopus in Greece. He ate and ate and ate all the squid.

Last week we went to the zoo and I gave him a chance to buy a stuffed animal. He picked a squid and named him sammy squid.

Of course, Mary Lynn has always wanted to "help" around the house. But up until recently, for me at least, it was much more work for me to have her "help". Generally she would just run around and pull random things off of shelves and try and hug my legs while I was walking.

She has been helping mommy put together her lunch for months, now. But for me this morning was really a watershed event.

I told her I was going to make oatmeal.

She said, "May halp! May halp!"

I walked into the back part of the kitchen and she followed and opened the cabinet where we keep all the cereal. "May get o-meal!"

"Ok, you each need two packs," I instructed. She pulled out two packs and then two more. And then three more. "Nope, that's all we need."

"Okaaay," she chimed and slammed the cabinet closed. "Spooo!" she remembered they needed spoons to eat the oatmeal with as I heated the water and scooped some brown sugar.

She brought the spoons over as I finished preparing the oatmeal. "OK, now I need to to go get Jeffrey."

She ran to the bottom of the stairs, "Chaaaa! Chaaaa! O-meal rea-y Chaaaa! ome dow now Cha! 'ear me Cha? O-MEAL!!!!!!"

WE got up this morning and Peg got the kids ready. She wanted to take them to Carnegie Science Center while I cleaned the basement. Oh that sounded like fun.

So I quickly cleaned the basement while she took a shower and when she got downstairs, I said "let's go to Laurel Summit Park together, instead!"

So she packed a lunch as I showered and then I asked her to get directions. I had read the park website earlier in the week and had figured the picnic area at 2800 ft would have a nice view of the valley below and some space for the kids to run. Peg pulled up Laurel Ridge Park on the computer and remembered the easy directions as the ink was gone from the printer.

1 hour later we were pulling into the trail head that was not suited for a two year old in sandals....Laurel Ridge Park, NOT laurel SUMMIT park. Peg's mistake. So we plotted a course to Laurel summit park now 30 minutes away. we arrived at another trail head for a 70 mile trail and a trail to a swap lined with poison ivy. No views from the densely ferned forest. "I was expecting a view...some vistas" I announced.

"Oh, those were two miles beyond the first place we went: Laurel Ridge Park, but we came here instead..." My mistake.


So we loaded up in the car and proceeded back to route 30.

"I want to see more stuff!" announces Jeffrey.

Mary Lynn had already fallen asleep, so we decided on ice cream in the beautiful town square of Ligonier. After we also tasted some watermelon Italian soda, Peg decided to take the kids to the local toy shop.

It was sooooo cool. It was an old home that had the front five rooms stuffed with amazing toys you never see at Toys R Us. We got Mary Lynn a fake cookie set with a pan, spatual, knife (to "cut" the wooden cookies apart) oven mit, and wooden frosting. We got Jeffrey (after he announced he had more than enough toys and really didn't need anything new) a tiny foam glider and a tiny mechanical spring car. I got a replacement pocket kite for the one I lost last weekend. Yes, I checked my pockets. This one is not as cool as my first tie dyed one, it is only rainbow.

Friday night Peggy called on the way home from work "early" which was not only early for her, but early for most people too...4:30. So it was if she hadn't even gone to work that day (only worked 12 hours). In any event, she had the TGIF sound in her voice and I had already agreed to go out for dinner before she finished the thought.

I quickly finished cleaning the bathrooms and getting the kids ready to head out the door. We went to Damon's Grill in Monroeville. It was nothing to write home about...although apparently something to write LJ about. During dinner I put some salt on my fish sandwich and and Jeffrey said, can I have some salt on my grilled cheese?

"No," I insisted.

"What about some of the butter? can you just spread some thin butter on top of the sandwich." He implored.

"OK," I give in and scrape a tiny bit onto the already butter saturated toast.

"Yummy, I wanted to taste what that looks like!" He quipped.

Cod flew out my nose. "Do you mean you wanted to see what it tasted like?"

"Mmmm hmmm!" he agreed.


Later as we were finishing our meal Jeffrey announces (despite being out of school now for two weeks) that he can't go to school "cuz I have the hiccups."

Not quite as funny, but cute.
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This morning we went to Tee-ball which was a game between the six year olds and J's team. J started out well, but quickly deteriorated into tantrums and glove throwing. Not typical for him at Tee-ball. After we got home and put him straight to nap without even a chance for lunch, we realized that he must've woken up at 5 or 6 am while mommy, I and baby May slept until 9. He was over tired.

After his nap, we went to Giant Eagle for our weekly shopping, and he was just fine. We unloaded the cold stuff into the fridge and everyone stayed in the van while mommy looked for dinner in the entertainment book. We found some BOGO Gyros and 50% off pizza and decided to go pick it up. On the way there, we decided to eat at a park out by the pizza shop. After dinner the kids ran and played on the unfamiliar equipment. There was even a 10 foot rock wall that Jeffrey could climb up and down. He did pretty well.

Then we drove across the street to the local Arboretum and saw 100s of varieties of roses. The kids would hold their hands behind their backs, leaned over, and stooped to smell the roses (as the saying should go).

After Mary Lynn tossed a rock into the water feature and set off the alarm we ran outta that place. I wanted to swing by an old Victorian I erroneously thought would have been a good idea to buy at one time. It was all over grown and spooky looking.

I had sold the extra millage to J as an "Adventure" which it really wasn't. But mommy swooped in and suggested we go to Kerber's Dairy with the llamas. NOW THAT WOULD BE ADVENTUROUS!

I was joking with J the whole way in that we were not there to buy ice cream, but maybe we needed some green beans. I think some retirees heard my jests on the way in and just as J passed them one rocked forward and asked, "Are you on your way to get ice cream?"

"Yes!" skipped J.

"Oh, well. They're all sold out." The old timer needled.

"---" J stared.

"I think we may just buy meat loaf or something then." I pushed it...

"what?!?" he ....

well before he could really express his pain I quickly backpedaled and told him of course there was plenty of ice cream.

I thought his silence just meant he was irritated with my continued joke. A whole 30 steps later and his face plastered on the freezer window..."daaaady! They have pleeeenty of ice cream!!!" with extreme relief in his voice.

"OK, I was just joking. What flavor do you want." I moved on.

"Ummm. How about Rainbow Sherman?" you know the scourge of the south?

"OK Rainbow Sherman it is please, in a child sized cup." I ordered.

The ice cream slinger was nonplussed as she handed him the cup.

When you are making lasagna for dinner and the kids are playing on the back porch, but after the fourth time of asking one child not to run over the other child with a push car without result do you:

A) flip your sh!t and yell at the top of your lungs?

B) ask politely a fifth time for one child to stop crushing another child?

C) stop making dinner and no longer provide food for the family to eat?

D) try to ignore the yelps of pain and protest and cultivate the throbbing vein in your neck into an aneurysm?



When you are have finished putting the lasagna in the oven and are trying to get the kids out the door to Target for some last minute essentials and your son repeatedly ignores your pleas of calm and help to put on his shoes while your daughter screams "me too, me too, me too!!!!" do you:

A) Throw all the shoes out in the vestibule and threaten to send the kid to bed with no dinner?

B) Slog through and continue shouting louder than the kids in the hopes that one day they will remember their childhood through rose colored glasses.

C) Quickly invent an time machine an win the lottery so you can afford to pay someone else to shop at Target for you...or better yet, watch the kids while you shop.

D) rock in the fetal position until one child asks when mommy is coming home.


When your son begins to cry as if you were twisting his actual nipples off when in reality all that has happened is the receipt from target has flown out of the baby's hand and gets run over by a truck do you:


A) Scream at the kid who is crying because it is the silliest thing in the world to have actual tears and a red face about.

B) Quickly produce a receipt from three days ago and lie that you had actually picked up the receipt in mid-air and he must've seen the other shopper's receipt being smashed.

C) Get on the cell phone and by stock in pre-paid psychiatric therapy.

D) Chase the receipt with your cart and make sure it receives a proper burial.


If you answered A to all these questions, you have obviously missed the fact that this is a trick test. All the answers are correct, it only matters what day it is and who is watching, and of course you making sure that you don't actually write about any of it on LJ.

May 1st. That is our date of last frost. pffft.

I have had to cover my tiny struggling seedlings along with my robust homedepot gigantic tomato plants TWICE in the past two weeks. Both at 11pm when I first "heard" about the freeze warning.

Well to be fair, my dad told me about tonight's possibility of frost at 7:45pm. But I didn't log to check the weather until after 10pm. I really hope the food taste better becuase I have certainly worked hard for it this year and it isn't even really spring yet. Winter keeps clawing back tooth and nail. From our onion snow, to these two evenings the temps dip into the 30s (tonight maybe the 20s).

Jeffrey was doing his United States of America Puzzle the other day while I was cooking. I told him that he could probably read all the states' names by now. He was doing very well. He even read Canada, and Mexico. Sometimes he reads, sometimes he guesses. Sometimes he reads AND guesses. I asked him what the mitten shaped state at the top of the map was. He took a while to locate it and finally started to sound it out. After having just pronounced our neighboring country to the south, it was fresh in his mind..."Ma, Ma...Is this Mexican?"

Well, I laughed, even though there is no real humor in it.

Mary Lynn is really putting together sentences now. She has never really made an effort to pronounce words properly. She would say the word..."Mi, Mi" until we would figure out she wanted milk. We would say it back to her, "You want MILK?" "yaaah, mi" making no effort to parrot us or even change what she was saying. But now she is stringing four, five, six words together sometimes with strange placeholders to make elaborate sentences. IT is really hard to understand her sometimes, but now when we figure out that she is saying "Mary Lynn wants strawberries, too." She actually will try to mimic all the words we spout back at her. It is truly amazing how the light bulb went of and she realized that she can have much more meaningful interactions if she makes an effort to communicate.

A few nights ago we had hotdogs. She would only eat the rolls. Just as well, we should probably avoid feeding her hotdogs anyway. But she was saying, "Hot, dawwww. Hot, dawww." All night.

The next morning I took her shopping and as usual, I talk over the list to her while I am looking for items. I remembered we had some hot dogs left so I mentioned to Mary Lynn that she had to remember to tell me to get "Hot Dog Rolls"

"Hot dawww?" she lit up "Hot daww, hot daww!"

"No, actually we have hot doGS. We need the rolls. We need hot doG ROLLS" I enunciate the G and the rolls.

She looked down and twisted her lips, and then blurted out, "Hot dog Rolls!" and then beamed at me with her lips curled into the 'O'.

"Hot dog rolls!" I repeated.

"Hot dog Rowwwwwwwls" she replied.

"Hot dog rolls!" I repeated.

"Hot dog Rowwwwwwwls" she replied.

"Hot dog rolls!" I repeated.

"Hot dog Rowwwwwwwls" she replied.

The stocking clerk must have thought I was nuts.

...I was upstairs folding clothes and I heard J reading "Hop on Pop" to Mary Lynn. It is good that he can help me out now that she can climb completely out of the baby-safe area.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I don't know

Who is the best superhero?
Ben

( this got really long )

My dad and I have spent the past few months on various weekends working in the basement. But now I haven't been down there in about four weeks, and it really weighs on me. I of course have spent the time wisely, getting the garden in, signing J up for T-ball and making the first practice, making 3 dozen haystacks for J's Art Show on Sat., shopping at Cosco with the baby (soon to be 2, you know) and picking J up and getting the food stores restocked before 1pm...Peggy has been home meaning no trips for about three-four weeks, it has been nice.

We have gone to my folks once, and will return for mother's day. The Birks are headed this way for Memorial day, and I can't wait.

Mary Lynn is starting to make some pretty coherent sentences even though she only pronounces about 3/4 of each word:

Go(t) you da(dd)y! -- after tweaking my nose

Da(dd)y, mo(re) Mi(l)k p(l)ease. -- while signing more

Whe(r)e Pa(ci) go, Da(dd)y? -- while shrugging her shoulders and looking around

I you ta(ke) bo(wl) (and) pu(t) i(t) i(n) (the) si(nk) -- While she runs with her used oatmeal bowl into the kitchen.

Co(me) Do(wn) He(re) Je(ffrey), a(nd) ge(t) y(our) shoe(s) on!!! - mocking me while yelling at Jeffrey to get ready for school.

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O and my cholesterol is 164, I think that is total...

Mary Lynn is the last one to get sick. Mommy brought home some sort of "big red" super bug that lasts and lasts. She has been sick for almost three weeks with a runny nose, etc. and even got an ear infection and had to go on antibiotics. Then J caught it about 10 days ago. He started with runny nose and watery eyes and I kept him home from school Last Monday. I sent him on Tuesday and the teachers said he was in terrible shape, so I didn't bring him on Wed. and started Spring break early. Some days he would be good, some days he would be bad. Most nights he would wake up and mommy would not get any sleep. J was rubbing his nose so much that his lip was bright red, chapped, and bleeding for three days. He laid on the couch mostly, and Mary Lynn would sit on his head.

Then Mary Lynn caught it. She has had a runny nose and watery eyes for five days. He sleep has been awful. Kicking, waking up crying, and jumping out of bed and trying to go downstairs. Then J complained his ear hurt. Dr. Appointment and antibiotics...yes ear infection.

Mary Lynn and J finally slept pretty good last night. And I had nothing but some extra nose blowing one morning. Yesterday in the grocery store I was picking up milk and twisted wrong and thought I was going to throw out my back...I can feel it pop out of place. I willed myself better in 30 sec. I told myself that I cannot get sick because if we want to go to Greece Mommy can't take any days off, and so neither can I.

I am walking around on eggshells hoping my back isn't actually injured.

...Recycling.

It seems silly to me to take all the newsprint, paper, corrugated, plastics, glass, and compost and throw it all into one big hole. If You've every watched Wall-E you know the logical conclusion of this thought process. If you have a recycling curbside program in your neighborhood consider yourself lucky. I had to drive 40 miles today to drop off my corrugated recycling. I have a source for my Comingled plastics, and glass. But corrugated seems to be unwanted or un-needed. Moreover, the Single stream recycling program that had been adopted in our county early this year has evaporated. The souring economy is blamed. I compost all our food scraps and rarely use the garbage disposal anymore. WATER is a commodity which seems silly to use for waste removal. We spend so much time, money, energy cleaning up water good enough to drink, and we then use gallons and gallons of it to flush away waste only to have to clean it again before it is finally re-released into the environment.

So my question is, I suppose. Why are we throwing all of our commodities into one giant hole? If there is some innate value in corrugated, or plastic, or glass, why don't we keep our waste streams separate? Even if it is too expensive now to recycle all of our corrugated and glass, why can't we have separate pits to throw them in? Then three years from now when the price of silicone skyrockets or there is a bark beetle that effects the paper industry, we have ready made piles of material to harvest.

Even if we just composted all of the food scraps and yard waste locally, that would mean hundreds of millions of pounds of carbon emissions saved, I am sure.

Someone also needs to let me know how to figure out when I begin to harm the environment for the distance I have to travel for recycling. Paper = 40 miles (about 50lbs) Comingled except paper products = 7 miles (about 15lbs without glass).

You are gonna turn out sounding mean in the worst case, and in the best case, well...


I try and get J and May to calm down in the afternoons. So I like to have them sit on the couch and watch TV. I assigned J to one corner of the couch and just try and keep Mary Lynn away from him. It rarely works. Mary Lynn was laying on J's head today and using her hammer to hit his knees and elbows.

"Mary Lynn. Get down. Mary Lynn. Off of Jeffrey. Mary Lynn....Do you want me to take your paci?" The final threat portion was odd. Normally I have her give it up after nap. I forgot today and saw that she had it so I figured I would use it as leverage.

"I'm gonna take your Paci if you don't get off Jeffrey. Do you want me to do that?"

"mmm hmmm" shaking her body vigorously in a YES, "Ca(tch)!" She throws the Paci at me.

I was coming to the four way stop sign just down the street from our house. This was after a long day of travel back from Denver, CO. Those out here in Western PA have many many 4-way stop signs to deal with and most of them take two approaches: Coasting along and not fully stopping, OR stopping and waving on the other person so that they KNOW it is their turn next. When I moved back to PA I noticed this and quickly brushed up on my Traffic Law so I would know without a doubt who has the right of way in every situation.

I will not go into it here, but if you feel the need you can research it yourself.

I approached the stop sign as I was headed uphill. I looked to my left and saw no cars, then to my right I saw a car approaching as I completely stopped and even rocked backwards on the steep slope. I have the right of way. The other car was traveling at a constant but very slow speed. I watched the driver, then the tires. They were not slowing down. I waited another second...still not stopping. I began to press on the gas so I would not continue to rock backwards and the car to my right passed the stop line and them came to a complete halt in a jolt as I crossed the stop line. The driver began shouting and gesturing with his hands showing that he was giving me 'a long time to proceed'. I have thought and thought about what he must have been saying with is furrowed brow and road-rage demeanor. I came to this conclusion: I waited and waited for you to go, I gave you a long time, and you still made me stop!!!!

That man was an Irwin Borough Peace Officer.

I was not pulled over, so clearly, I had done nothing illegal. I feel safe in the knowledge that the people I am paying to protect me can keep their tempers in check while following ALL laws.

On the flight back from Denver this Sunday, Jeffrey was relating back to us some of the concepts he digested this past weekend. One of them was about our transportation to and from the airport.

Jeffrey looking into the distance out of the plane, "...and Daddy, we returned the rectal car, right?"

Mommy and I bit our lips so hard they bled.

As the waves of suppressed laughter subsided Jeffrey then ironically commented on how, "I have a wedgie," with a very serious face which slowly melted into a sly smile, "that means my underwear and my pants are stuck in my butt."

She was very tired and only let me change her diaper and clothes into PJs very quickly. Then as I sat on her rocking chair and read "Yum Tummy Tickly" she stood in our bedroom next to our bed. When I was finished she hopped in and went to sleep.

I am convinced it is no longer security with us, she just wants to sleep and the Sterns and Foster King Sized bed.

I tucked her in and walked downstairs, she fell right to sleep.

This is a battle that I don't even want to begin to fight.

Last week, today, and Thursday upcoming...all involve IKEA. Last week we dropped Peg off at the Airport. J asked as we drove past the IKEA if we could go there so he could play in the ball pit. I told him of course. So when we went to Pick up Peg after he week in Charleston, I went a little early to give him an hour of fun. I walked around with Baby May and we looked at all the cool doo-dads and toys and furniture. Then I took her to eat yogurt and Lingonberries. We picked up Mommy and went home for a great Birthday weekend.

When I woke up this morning and came downstairs...Jeffrey asked, "What are we doing today for your Birthday?"

I spelled out IKEA on the fridge in Magnetic Letters. He turned around and gave me the oddest look. It was like he was realizing that we were indeed doing something fun for him on MY BIRTHDAY.

Peg and I burst out laughing because it truly was an expression we had never seen before. I can't even describe it other than to say his eyes were amazement and is mouth was confusion...maybe.

He kept saying, "What?! What?! What?!"

After Peg and I composed ourselves I managed to respond with, "That Face! What was that Face?!"

Exacerbated and a little miffed J says, "I don't know I didn't see it!"

We went to IKEA after I mopped the pee off the floor.

I am sure you have seen the facebook pictures I posted of Mary Lynn with tiny Mr. Potato head glasses mushed onto her face. No? well imagine it. She is adorable. She does it all the time.

This morning when I was preparing breakfast (almost always oatmeal) J and May were in the Living room entertaining themselves. I got the oatmeal all ready and placed it on the table. It is very exciting for Mary Lynn because she can totally sit at the table and feed herself. I walked to the door way and announced "OATMEAL!!!!" as I normally oversell and Mary Lynn looked up from her two board books with her 'glasses' on. For a split second it looked as if she were trying to see over her bifocals in order to process what was said by who. Then as the realization of creamy sweet goodness crept across her little brain she whipped off the glasses, chucked her books and ran for the bib I was holding.

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Same morning different feeling.

My alarm snooze button had been pressed when I awoke. Mary Lynn and I had made our way downstairs. I had gotten coffee. J was watching Blue's Clues. I sat down to log on the the computer. My snooze ran out and my alarm went off again. Jeffrey said, "I'll go turn it off. I mean I will turn it off and turn it back on so the alarm stops but the alarm will be still set."

Brilliant.

When he came back downstairs I said, "Come here. That was so nice I want to give you a hug and kiss."

"No."

"Awww, come on, I want to show you how much I appreciate you helping. That was very kind and thoughtful. How about just a hug?"

"No."

"Well, that kinda makes me sad. I want to give you a hug to let you know I love you...What can I do to show you that I really appreciate it?"

"I don't want any of that. I want you to just go make the Oatmeal."

OK, so here's my idea. We charge .25 per cigarette when you buy a pack. That way, when you return all 20 cigarette butts you get your money back, or it would make it profitable for someone to go clean up after all the lazy drivers flicking their butts out the window.

Did I already suggest this?